Today is Time to Talk Day, a national day encouraging people to have open discussions about mental health and therefore a good opportunity for me to be open about my mental health experiences.
It’s really important that we talk about mental health to break the stigma that those who experience, or have experienced, mental health issues face.
My mental health issues were caused by an extremely close friendship turning into an abusive one. The prolonged intense abuse I received completely destroyed my self-esteem leaving me with an overwhelming negative image of myself. Due to a range of complicated factors, it wasn’t possible for me to just simply end contact with this friend who, despite the unbearable abuse, I still (perhaps unfortunately) care deeply about and struggle to label as an ‘abuser’. Therefore, ending our contact caused even more distress and a devastating feeling of guilt.
As well as crushingly low self-esteem, the impact of the abuse I received resulted in many of the symptoms of anxiety and depression. I often had difficulty sleeping, partly due to concerns that I wasn’t safe in my own room. There were also points where my hands shook uncontrollably because I was struggling so much to deal with a situation in which I felt completely powerless.
On really bad days, I shut myself away from others. This meant not only staying at home as much as possible but sometimes only leaving my room when it was essential. Even though doing this made me feel awful at the end of the day, it was a way for me to feel safe and in control of my surroundings. Indeed there were occasions where I was really anxious and just walking round a street corner filled me with dread for fear of the unknown and being uncertain as to how I would cope in unexpected situations.
I also avoided lectures where there was the potential for me to be put on the spot in front of other people – I wasn’t ready for that amount of pressure and my self-esteem was at an all-time low so I had no confidence in myself to be able to handle that situation well.
It seems obvious that I wasn’t doing well but I initially tried to rationalise all these actions as being part of ordinary behaviour and then later had such low self-esteem that I felt unworthy of any support that I might aim to seek.
Fortunately, I still managed to reach out to some friends and University staff members. The support I received from friends varied considerably with some regularly checking how I was doing and others hardly responding. Through the University, I was directed to counselling but didn’t go through with it as I really struggled to fill in the self-referral form (something I’m so glad to say has now been changed). Unfortunately, I struggled to find online resources to support someone who’d experienced similar abuse.
Whilst I told a number of close friends, I often did my best to hide any troubles I was having with others due to the stigmas of mental health issues and men who have experienced abuse. I don’t think people realise enough how easy it is to hide mental health issues. Some of my friends were shocked when they found out years later that I’d been going through such a rough time because I appeared as sociable and successful as ever.
Even though this is mostly in the past, I still sometimes have occasions where my self-esteem takes a blow and it takes me a long time to feel good about myself again or times where something reminds me of the abuse I received and therefore prevents me from concentrating or periods where I avoid contact with other people because I happen to feel vulnerable.
And you know what? It’s OK to be vulnerable, it’s OK to ask for help and it’s OK to talk openly and honestly about mental health – in fact it’s essential that we do talk openly and honestly about mental health so we can tackle the stigma and make life easier for those that experience or have experienced mental health issues and there’s no time like the present – it’s Time to Talk!
Make someone a cup of tea and have a chat, get some fresh air with someone and see how they’re doing, text a friend and ask ‘How are you?’, tell someone how you’re feeling today, thank someone for something they’ve done for you, call someone you haven’t spoken to for a while to ask how they are, find out what someone does to unwind on a tough day – whatever you do, let’s talk about mental health.
Sources of support include:
Advice and Representation Centre
Counselling and Mental Health
Nightline
Student Minds
Samaritans
Time to Change