Welcome.
Legends tell of a trip so perfect that it lives on in the memories of every participant for time immeasurable. The Portland trip was not this trip. It was still pretty good though.
Due to a mishap with the MPV bookings, one of our basic MPVs was subbed out for a sweet new one with heated seats and cruise control. Janek and Rob lived the absolute dream driving there and back in that fabulous vehicle.
On Saturday we headed to Battleship Beach which was a stellar wind tunnel and loved by all (especially Conor). Many of our members took their first tentative steps (and falls) into the world of sport leading with some spectacular results. I'm sure lots of hard climbs were sent, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about that.
Instead, let me tell you about the fish and chips. We ate fish and chips. Got a decent discount as well. We bought too many chips. The curry sauce was pretty nice.
After this heroic meal of sea-meat and potatoes, a group of 9 brave souls led by Janek and Rob headed out to the Cuttings for some nighttime bouldering. Several ill decisions later, the group found themselves lost in the boulderfield and having to squeeze their way through overgrown paths and literally walk through bushes. The down jackets fought bravely, but many sustained injuries from this vegetative skirmish. The approach (usually taking less than 10 minutes) ended up being a 90 minute battle which left the brave 9 still lost in the boulderfield, unable to determine which boulders they were near to. Reconnaissance unearthed a single boulder deemed "climbable" by the scouts, and so the party grouped underneath it. This boulder, later discovered to be "Bolt-on Boulder" due to it being the completely fabricated chipped holds, finally gave the party a goal. The psyche increased. People started pulling harder and harder on the holds, until finally the sending started. Kai fell asleep on a boulder pad.
At a time unknown to the records, Kai awoke from his slumber to gaze upon "The Hole". This was a Kai-sized crack in the rock which drew the eye, and before anyone knew it he was awake and scoping it out. His black down jacket came off, revealing an identically coloured black down jacket underneath it. His first test squeezes showed that he still wouldn't fit, and so a second down jacket came off, reavealing a third black down jacket underneath that. Only the gods know how many down jackets Kai was wearing that day.
Just before the rain hit, the magnificent 9 returned to the MPV and headed back to the hut. As it turned out, Bolt-on Boulder was literally slap-bang in the middle of the high quality boulders. In fact, it was actually touching a 3 star problem. The group of 9 set up camp roughly 5 metres from that problem. It still haunts some of them to this day. So much time spent looking for quality, only to end up at one of the worst boulders in Portland. Oh well, it's the memories which count.
Sunday brought rain to the Isle, and so our brave travellers decided that it was best to head home. All apart from 3 keen beans who drove down to the cuttings. They found that it was damp.
The end.
To all of my faithful readers, I'm sorry to say that this will be my last trip report of my 2018 - 2020 climbing sec dictatorship. I hope you've enjoyed my work in all of its highs and lows. Keep it real folks.
Thanks,
Rob Haseler
Climbing Sec 2018 - 2020
P.S. for the historical records, this trip report was written whilst in a Thursday COVID Discord Pub with Beth Kippin, Daniel Evans, Kai Pheasant, Rob Cook, Seb Morales Feliu, Shaf Chowdhury, and Will Jones, all of them dedicated club members.