Font Trip Report:
Hi Guys, I somehow got roped into another trip report, not entirely sure how but I assume alcohol was involved…
Day 1:
We set off bright and early from campus, with one MPV able to get the earlier ferry, despite scenic detours to Heathrow, mainly due to faffing by the others, which resulted in them being at least an hour later. Findlay, notably, availed us with his very interesting fantasy book which involved beetle smut on the ferry. After a rapid ferry journey, with some very tired faces, we were treated to the wonderful roads of Calais with most of the drivers having their first taste of driving on foreign roads. After trying and failing to apply reflectors to the MPV headlights due to incredibly confusing instruction manuals, we headed to the Gite with only a short detour to a carrefour for dinner for the next couple of days. Overall the journey took roughly 14 hours, leading to most collapsing straight into bed when we arrived.
Day 2:
We began our first actual climbing day with the traditional boulangerie visit, filling up with baguettes, before heading to Franchard Isatis. Most of us were careful of injuries, knowing we had a full week ahead of bouldering, so this was a slow day. Hammocks were set up, and we chilled out, whilst Ben McLaren informed us that he could identify the insects of the forest using his newfound feature on his phone. A few went on a walk to the sequoia, which was ginormous apparently, well worth the walk. Certain drivers had to be reminded about the side of the road they drive in France on the way back to the gite, and we christened our first real night with some drinking. Notable moments included Emma and Wahab’s interesting lasagne, the bean house dilemma coming up yet again and Sam’s bed slats being broken by too many people on the bed. Both Joel and Luc set up hammocks in their rooms, choosing to ignore the available beds for the night.
Quotes:
“I left my wife for a cocoa bean” Sam Boston
Day 3:
Yet another Boulangerie today, where we terrorised the local populace stopping them from getting their baked goods for at least 45 minutes before heading off to Roche aux Sabots for some more sends. Some unfortunate misunderstandings with traffic laws in France were helpfully cleared up by Merlin, who was there separate from the trip. Some of us had the pleasure of watching a random English bloke send a 7a dyno, like it was nothing, reminding us that we still had a ways to go. Back to the gite after another lovely day of sunshine, before some delicious meals and an early night, ready for the next day of hard work.
Quotes:
“Bone No” Sendward with Hat Backwards
“How would you describe red to a blind man?” Luc, “Anger, Malice…” Peter
“I like my 16 year olds full of fluids” Unknown
Day 4:
Boulangerie again, then straight to Apremont Est, where the boulders were considerably closer together, making it more cramped to place the pads. Despite this setback, miraculously no one on the trip injured themselves seriously. This luck lasted until the end of the day when Merlin, unfortunately, landed weirdly and sprained his ankle, which resulted in a mad rush to wrap his ankle by local first aiders. He then had to be fireman carried out of the forest, to his car, where he assured us that he was fine to drive home. Besides this, Science Friction had been attempted for 3 hours, resulting in a minor obsession from Findlay. Both Peter and Emma almost sent a challenging 6b, whilst Mr McLaren shared his video of a ridiculously long Caterpillar Conga, very unlike him. Due to the heat, we all emptied our bottles quite quickly, needing filling up from a suspicious tap outside of a closed bar, before hauling at least 15 litres back to the crag. After the busy day, we headed home, for another night of wine tasting. A notable moment was Alex somehow fitting his legs into a high chair we found in the Gite, before heading to bed after a hard day of bouldering.
Day 5:
Our rest day started off with a stroll cross country to the bakery by some, enjoying the amazing sunlight we rarely get to see in the UK. After this, we split groups with Emma, Peter, Findlay and Luc headed to see Chateau Fontainebleau, and experience French culture by trying to get in for free. After some obligatory Gelato, we headed back to the river which had been occupied by everyone else for the day, lounging around on the pads, swimming and slacklining. After a couple hours there we called it a day and headed home for the last push, 2 days of bouldering.
Quotes:
“I tried to flush the toilet and it started speaking to me in French” Emma.
Day 6:
The penultimate day was spent at Cuvier, with the hardcore group of the trip attempting Helicopter (involving an abundance of crash pads and one bad ankle sprain) and La Marie Rose for the duration of the daylight. Wahab ended up ruining his fingers and bled a little on the rock, then tried to brush it off, all to the soundtrack of white girl music (Taylor Swift). According to a confidential source (Findlay), Emma was kilometres off topping out, whilst he was only cm away, which we will see isn’t the case on the final day. Dylan made the smart choice to go for a walk instead of climbing and was enlightened by the wilderness, by resting his various injuries. 7 of us apparently had a flash train for a 6a, it was definitely a 6a, not that we were lost in the forest and were looking at the wrong route. After heading home, we attempted to voice coach Emma into a British accent, with Sam desperate for him to be called the B word for some reason. Notable moments for the day included at least a metric ton of Mac and Cheese, the chaos of organisation for the unofficial trip on where to go, Brennan’s finger being shut in a door, and multiple rolled ankles, but none on the official trip.
Day 7:
Our final day was to Franchard Sablons, with one of the MPVs getting lost down an incredibly bumpy forest track, not naming names, cough cough Ben. A couple went off to attempt Rainbow Rocket, with Jacob giving some impressive attempts, but the majority of us were injured enough that our bouldering was hindered. We headed home slightly earlier, to start cleaning the Gite, and get the barbecue going. Our barbecue king, Joel Simmons, god incarnate and future social sec set everything up and had them sizzling soon enough. A couple of us head off to the local court to play some footy, Peter bringing home the win, before another night of heavy drinking, ended with S’mores.
Quotes:
“If I wasn’t restricted by these chains then I’d be *redacted*” Sam Boston
“Regular? *Raises eyebrows*” Unknown
“Who is that stood in the doorway” Alex Silk hallucinating in the middle of the night, there was no one in the doorway.
Day 8:
A small group began at 5AM, to fulfil a desperate wish from Emma McCook to full send La Marie Rose. She did so, 15 minutes before we had to leave, an incredible feat considering how sandbagged the route is, the only one on the trip to complete it for the first time. After coming back to take the group photo, and clean the Gite, we were on the road by 10 straight back to Calais and good old British roads. Findlay struggled to remove the handbrake after a bakery stop and may have needed help. Questionable music tastes filled the journey, and book readings, but most were knackered enough to just sleep most of the way. On the other side of the channel, there was a rush to Dover train station to drop off people to get home, before the final push back home. All in all, we arrived back at campus at 11PM, before cleaning the vans, collapsing back in bed.
Thank you everyone for an incredible Font, and I’ll see you around,
Luc
